July 21, 2020
For the most part, I try to just keep limerence to myself. I’ll talk about it with Robin sometimes, or maybe JD, but it’s not really something I’ll bring up with anyone else, least of all with the limerent object. Why would I? Why would I put that burden on them when I’m not convinced it’s worth acting on? Especially if it’s something that happens shortly after meeting them.
Why not?
I don’t want to put an expectation for reciprocation on them.
That is projection. That’s you projecting onto them your inability to say no. After all, haven’t you told a few and they basically told you no and then you moved on to a comfortable friendship that feels more appropriate? Is that so bad?
I…well, no, but what if they are like me? What if they have a hard time saying no and that leads to a relationship that I have…what? Tricked them into? What if that leads to some form of abuse that I don’t realize I’m perpetrating?
Are you unable to approach that conversation should it come up?
I think it’s one I’d be willing to have. Glad, even. I would rather that be out in the open.
Then why not lead with that?
Would that not sound like hedging? “I like you, I want you to know that. But it’s okay if you don’t like me in return, I’d rather know up front.” Isn’t that a more complicated conversation than it needs to be? Doesn’t that add its own pressure to say yes, just using different words?
I don’t know.
I suppose I don’t, either.
That’s my point.
Right.
Perhaps you are simply afraid of being vulnerable.
I want to be.
Yes, but wanting to be vulnerable is not engaging in vulnerability. Wanting to be vulnerable and then spending hours and days spinning countless counterfactual narratives in your head of what they might say, of how they might be hurt, of how you might be wicked is just–
Cowardice?
I was going to say “is just your anxiety getting ahead of you”. I suspect whether or not you are a coward plays a role that goes beyond simply your engagement with vulnerability.